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Yesterday was day 6… I took the word from God on day 5 for silence and tried to be mindful of my schedule, not cram any more into and just breathe the breath of God in. I was stressed with work and time and tried hard to keep the meditation of My heart of the Goodness of Jesus… I succeeded at times and other times failed, but regardless I was still… and I know He is in control.

Psalm 18:14 Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O LORD, my rock and my redeemer.

On day 5 I reflected on the second part of that verse. Today I want to address the first part.

May the words of my mouth be acceptable in your sight, O Lord.

words matter…

Because what comes out of my mouth is directly related to what is in my heart.

I have found that in my most stressed overdone moments, The times where I am just tapped.. All that is left in my is the sludge of my own self. In turn it ends up being that same sludge that I spew out when interacting with people I love. This past week my deadlines have piled up like crazy because my macbook pro died a horrible death. This week was slightly different though because I have really been trying to dig in each day into the heart of God. Somehow, by God’s strength, I was able to.

Nothing mattered more to me than when my wife told me that she noticed that I was trying. I pray I can make a habit of that so that when my heart is turned towards Jesus my mouth glorifies His goodness.

Prov 18:21 “Life and death are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit.”

Life and death are in the power of the tongue. I have been amazed in the years I have been doing ministry that the majority of damage that most of the people that come in the doors of the church with is from listening to and owning something somebody other than God has spoken over them. Broken people do have sharp edges and we not only get cut easily, but we have become word ninjas ready to chop any one down with our mouth katana so we can protect ourselves.

In the beginning was the word…
With a word the our world was created….

Everything begins with a word. 

This is the situation we find ourselves within our workplace, with our children, in our church family and with our spouses… That we can bring life with a word or we can bring death with a word. The question is do we want to begin with a word of life or death. The consequences are drastically different by our choice.

James 3:4 Look at the ships also: though they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are guided by a very small rudder wherever the will of the pilot directs. 5 So also the tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great things.

The tongue might be small but it has the power to control us. Not only does it have the power to control you but it gives you the power to control and steer others.

Freedom and deliverance begins with a word.
Recovery begins with a word.
Repentance and forgiveness begin with a word.

I want to continue this Lent being mindful that what I say matters and affects more than just me. As I look towards holy week I can rest on the words of Jesus as an example as he hung on the cross, which I can never compare my plight to.

He said with a word: Peace; Forgive; Love…

Psalm 141:3 Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips!

Day 6 reminded me to continue in the patter of day 5. It was an opportunity to just exhale. To be quiet. So for me there is nothing that brings an atmosphere of peace and worship into my environment Like Mozart’s “requiem”.

If you are reading this… Turn the lights out, press play, and let the spirit of God wash over you anew!


I spent a lot of time thinking and praying about what the Lord would bring to my heart today. He simple said “SHH”.

I hate silence. It is kind of funny to even say that because as a dad of 4 kids I am always complaining like and old fart that I need peace and quiet. When will all the noise just stop?! The truth is I am very uncomfortable in the silence.

My teenage years were marked by seclusion and isolation. I was stellar at being different and as much as I craved the “noise” I spent most of my time in silence. This led to years of introspection or what it is more commonly referred to as the dangerous combination of depression and self loathing. This is what I found in the silence. I found that when everything wasn’t noisy what I had left was me.

I love the readings and stories of the Desert Fathers and Antony said it well.

“He who sits alone and is quiet has escaped from three wars: hearing, speaking, seeing: but there is one thing against which he must continually fight: that is, his own heart.”

I find that I am not good in the silence. The war of hearing attacks my heart. The war of speaking reveals my heart. The war of seeing lies to my heart. This is my battle because in the solitude where I should find the whisper of the Lord I find the loud GONG of my flesh.

When I work I also listen to music. When I listen to music It can’t be background music… It needs to be at a good volume. I have my “sound quirks”, but I think it’s because silence is so unnerving.

I was in a music studio once doing a recording. It’s like every single sound had been sucked out of the room. It was dead and a bit disturbing. We don’t realize it, but even in solitude or silent spaces there is still so much noise.

“Be still, and know that I am God” – (Psalm 46:10).

Such a hard verse to apply. Even when I am still my brain is going a mile a minute. Even when I am quiet my heart is not.
Yet it is in this stillness that the Lord wants to speak to me.

As the disciples are tossed around on their ship in the chaos and noise of a storm Jesus steps into that storm and says “Peace be still”. All of a sudden there is silence and in that silence is awe and reverence for the Prince of peace.

Psalm 19:14 says “May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to you, O LORD, my rock and my redeemer.”

I will get to the words of my mouth in the next day or two, but todays reflection needs to speak more to the meditation of my heart.
Today my prayer is that it would reflect the peace of Jesus and that I would be still…
This doesn’t need to be a long reflection because I know what God is speaking to my heart and He can speak it simply to me.

Today I fast the NOISE and the war of my heart so that I can hear the voice of God in the sound of silence.


I think the only thing in life more difficult to handle than unrequited love is unfulfilled dreams. With a pinnacle birthday coming up I have spent a lot of time in the last 6 months thinking over the things in life I wanted to accomplish. I remember graduating High school, back when flannel meant something for more than just lumberjacks. I was wide eyed and full of excitement for not only the future, but very well laid out plans. I was prepared to “make it” and nothing was going to stand in my way. All the pieces were lined up to make a real go at chasing my dream of becoming a comic book artist and brooding poet. God said no. Well I wouldn’t say that the sky opened and I heard a loud voice booming like the woman in the viral fire news video. “NOT TODAY!”, but it was a no none the less. I know this because I tried everything I could to make it and nothing ever broke loose.

25 years have passed since that dream was birthed in me and it came as close as working on X-men art for a magazine, but the fullness of that dream never happened. It wasn’t just work related dreams. There were relational, physical, spiritual, emotional etc etc.  Dream after dream which once made my heart excited to tackle increasingly got added to the discard pile in the file cabinet of unfulfilled longings.

What became difficult to swallow was over the years I watched friends not only fulfilling their dreams, but some of them were even able to fulfill mine. I have had to wrestle with this so much lately. I want to rejoice with those I love but sometimes their success is a reminder of the things I never had.

In the last year I have seen 3-5 “dream jobs” come across my screen. Even this last week I saw two that just had my name all over it. I call them dream jobs because they are ones I would love to have, but require a move and dropping everything else I have going on. My wife and I have dropped everything and sold what we had and moved before, but it was always because the Lord said “go”. For the last 10 years He has said “no”. So I watch from the sidelines as my dreams are erased and replaced with just questions. The main one being – Why?

In my prayer this lent I am learning much more about my own need to recover certain things I have lost or just willingly given away. I often trade my contentment for disappointment.

Philippians 4:12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13 I can do all this through him who gives me strength.

“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me”. Context means everything when we read a verse in the bible. The majority of the time we use this verse we leave out the context and apply it to our driving goals. “I want to have… I want to be… I want to see…” And we say we can and will because we can do all things through christ who gives us strength. However, lets look again at that verse for a second. You can’t separate the thought in verse 12 from verse 13. It is not speaking about life goals. The verse says that the secret to contentment, regardless of our unfulfilled dreams and broken hearts, is Jesus because it’s only by His strength that we can walk forward when we don’t get the results in life we want.

The bible is full of unfulfilled dreams. I think many of the apostles and heroes of our faith all asked the same questions as us. They asked the Why questions of God too.

There is so much of this in our lives isn’t there? We pray to no longer be single; to have children, to get a job, to write a book, to go to school, to travel the world, for healing of our bodies or minds… Prayer after prayer after prayer. For some of us these dreams will happen. For others they never will.

In some circles we are told it’s because of the lack of our faith or even the lack of our determination. I can promise you that besides my dream of being fit (I lack in that one), I was never lacking in faith or determination. Some times the Lord has a different plan.

Over and over I have heard the verse in Psalm 37:4 as people quote it “god will give you the desires of your heart” and miss the first part where it says “delight yourself in the lord”.

I have found that my desires over the years have changed to match the Lords desires when I have delighted myself in the Lord… When I have walked in honest relationship with God my heart has become in tune with His and I find myself wanting different things. Do I still wrestle with everything I have ever wanted to do and be? Of course!, but at the same time I can walk forward because Christ gives me strength.

Paul while in prison wrote this:

 Ephesians 3:20 Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think. 21 Glory to him in the church and in Christ Jesus through all generations forever and ever! Amen.

I find myself, much like when I started this reflection, comparing myself to others who get what I wanted. The friends who achieve things I never had the chance to and even my enemies who seem to somehow walk out of the destruction they cause, unscathed and even more prosperous. I like to say that comparison is a dream killer and it is in the instances of dreams that God would have you fulfill. In the instances where He says “no”, comparison is a bitterness breeder.

At least that is how it normally is, but I am prayerfully aware today it doesn’t have to be. Maybe I have just been comparing myself to the wrong people. If I compare myself to Paul then I would walk in the truth that even if I was chained up in prison, beaten, and left to die I can still sing and shout with thanksgiving and praise.

Paul says the Lord will accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think which is a reminder that He is powerful and loves us beyond our thought capacity.

As I look over what my life looks like I realize it might not look the same way a year from now, but I can be thankful for what it has. I’m not sure what the answers are to my unfulfilled dreams, but I can say I have a grateful heart TODAY for the dreams God has fulfilled in my life, my family, and my church that I never even knew I had.

Today I just want to know God more and more. I will press onward with my dreams with determination, but I will also trust that the God who breathed stars into existence might have a better plan than I ever could.

So today for lent I will surrender or fast my dreams so that I can give God glory for the great things He has done and will do in my life without the bitterness and worry that I won’t get what I want.

Take my dreams and let them be consecrated Lord to thee.

I release my kingdom To HIS Kingdom and swear fealty to the Lord because I can trust his provision, power, and promises.

While a grateful heart doesn’t get formed in an instant, it does begin with a choice followed by daily ones.

Sweet dreams are made from surrender and gratitude. 


Do you remember when the TV show survivor first aired? For my wife and I it was a huge moment in our history. Some of you might think that is lame, but we loved curling up on the couch together (curling up for a guy my size might be a stretch but you get the point)… This was before DVR so we actually had to clear our calendar. You were either a friend that was going to watch this “real life” drama with us or you were dead to us for one hour each week. We absolutely loved watching season after season normal people doing normal things in the most abnormal environment. Each week we would debate with each other if we would have the stones to try out for the show. Could we make it? Was this the weightloss regime I was looking for? Would we cheat and steal and revert to carnal instincts because we are on an island in the middle of no where? So many questions! So much fun!

Each tribal counsel they would vote somebody off the island. The host, jeff, would proclaim that their lit torches represented their life in the game. “fire represents life…” He would proclaim in the most intense moment on the show. We were always on the edge of our seat waiting to see who would get snuffed out.

Fire represents life… I find it interesting that Lent, which is designed to have us take a closer look at our lives in order to get a better glimpse of Jesus, begins with Ash… Ash represents death.

I have been in church services where the worship leader has loudly proclaimed that we are wretches and worms and dirty and a bunch more adjectives to describe how crappy we are and how great God is. I know why we do this in the church and often times this mantra of self loathing is magnified during Lent in order to magnify the Lord more. As if the only way to show God’s greatness is to cut myself off at the knees. Where is the “LIFE” in this?

“I ONCE was lost… NOW i’m found…. Amazing grace who saved a WRETCH like me” – If we are going to insist on taking our theology from songs lets make sure to at least get it right. I AM FOUND. I AM SAVED. I AM NEW…

I am one of those people who many falsely accuse of being prideful because I’m confident. The truth is I’m confident and bold, but have battled insecurity my whole life.

Ephesians 3:12 Because of Christ and our faith in him, we can now come boldly and confidently into God’s presence. 13 So please don’t lose heart because of my trials here. I am suffering for you, so you should feel honored.
14 When I think of all this, I fall to my knees and pray to the Father,  15 the Creator of everything in heaven and on earth. 16 I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources he will empower you with inner strength through his Spirit. 17 Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. 18 And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. 19 May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.

Does that passage just make you just shake with life?!

So many of us are convinced we are worthless, That we have no value, that we are wretches… so when we get to a season like lent we use it as an opportunity to continue our pattern as spiritual “cutters”. We take the razor blades of shame and disgust and we slash at our wrists all the while thanking the Lord for His great mercy in saving us. Lets make sure to not get our theology wrong here… And I know many people who would consider me to be a heretic, but I believe in the God of LIFE.

Let us be aware that the Cross was made by man… We bear the burden of killing God, but thankfully He is far greater than our past!
The act on the cross was not to show God’s value, but to show how much He values us! God laying down his life doesn’t reveal how horrible we are. It reveals how amazing He considers us to be. Let that wash over you today as it has for me this morning.

I spend some time praying about beginning with ash… I have spoken from a microphone out of Ecc 3 “from dust we have come and to dust we will return” in an effort to begin our Lenten season grappling with our own mortality.

However something hit me… No the Lord spoke to me a few things.

1. BACKWARDS KINGDOM
On the church calendar this season we are in starts with Ash Wednesday, takes us through lent, moves through Holy week, and finds it’s resting place in Pentecost. I have spent a great amount of time dwelling on and studying that the Kingdom of God is an upside-down kingdom. A kingdom where the first are last, the last are first, that the religious are missing it and the prostitutes see it, where the learned don’t follow and the dirtbags sell all… And I’m met with the realization that once again even this season is backwards.

It begins with ASH and ends with FIRE.

It doesn’t start with an ember… It starts with ash. From the ruins and rubble and charred remnants of “something” that is now dead to the outpouring of the spirit of God it becomes fire!

Romans 12 (NIRV) 11 Never let the fire in your heart go out. Keep it alive. Serve the Lord. 12 When you hope, be joyful. When you suffer, be patient. When you pray, be faithful.

If you want to get an amazing picture of how our hearts should be this season, spend some time in Romans 12.
Here is the amazing part. From the ASH of my life God doesn’t want to bring attention to the blackened dust… He wants to not only TRANSFORM it into Fire which IS Life for those of us who don’t know Him, but for those of us who do He wants to remind us that unlike survivor it can’t be snuffed out!

I am valuable. I am loved. I am new. I am created in His image, for His glory, and I am no LONGER what my mind tells me I am every day.

In this season I am NOT FACED WITH MY MORTALITY… I am overjoyed by my IMMORTALITY!

His Fire burns away anything that is not of Him… So that I can be more like him

Hebrews 12:28 Since we are receiving a Kingdom that is unshakable, let us be thankful and please God by worshiping him with holy fear and awe. 29 For our God is a devouring fire.

2. I DIDN’T COME FROM ASH/DUST
This is what the Lord told me this morning as I was praying through what God wanted to speak to me today. I was driving my kids to school thinking about all of the above and asking the Lord… “Speak to me… you know where my heart is and something is just not lining up for me today… What can you speak over me so that I can share your goodness to others in todays reflection?”

He said to me: “You didn’t come from dust. I might have used dust to form you, but you didn’t come from dust. You came from the FIRE OF MY HEART

I am usually not at a loss for words… But I needed to hear that today as I’m sure whoever is reading this does as well.

You were NOT a mistake You came from the FIRE OF HIS HEART. You were created in love by love! His Fire is Life!

We shouldn’t avoid our mess because the Lord wants to transform it.. but lets not Start in it or end in it.

We start with The fire of HIS loving heart
Have our garbage be consumed by the Fire of His righteousness
And continue with Life eternal in the Fire of His spirit!

THANKS BE TO GOD!