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I spent a lot of time thinking and praying about what the Lord would bring to my heart today. He simple said “SHH”.
I hate silence. It is kind of funny to even say that because as a dad of 4 kids I am always complaining like and old fart that I need peace and quiet. When will all the noise just stop?! The truth is I am very uncomfortable in the silence.
My teenage years were marked by seclusion and isolation. I was stellar at being different and as much as I craved the “noise” I spent most of my time in silence. This led to years of introspection or what it is more commonly referred to as the dangerous combination of depression and self loathing. This is what I found in the silence. I found that when everything wasn’t noisy what I had left was me.
I love the readings and stories of the Desert Fathers and Antony said it well.
“He who sits alone and is quiet has escaped from three wars: hearing, speaking, seeing: but there is one thing against which he must continually fight: that is, his own heart.”
I find that I am not good in the silence. The war of hearing attacks my heart. The war of speaking reveals my heart. The war of seeing lies to my heart. This is my battle because in the solitude where I should find the whisper of the Lord I find the loud GONG of my flesh.
When I work I also listen to music. When I listen to music It can’t be background music… It needs to be at a good volume. I have my “sound quirks”, but I think it’s because silence is so unnerving.
I was in a music studio once doing a recording. It’s like every single sound had been sucked out of the room. It was dead and a bit disturbing. We don’t realize it, but even in solitude or silent spaces there is still so much noise.
“Be still, and know that I am God” – (Psalm 46:10).
Such a hard verse to apply. Even when I am still my brain is going a mile a minute. Even when I am quiet my heart is not.
Yet it is in this stillness that the Lord wants to speak to me.
As the disciples are tossed around on their ship in the chaos and noise of a storm Jesus steps into that storm and says “Peace be still”. All of a sudden there is silence and in that silence is awe and reverence for the Prince of peace.
Psalm 19:14 says “May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to you, O LORD, my rock and my redeemer.”
I will get to the words of my mouth in the next day or two, but todays reflection needs to speak more to the meditation of my heart.
Today my prayer is that it would reflect the peace of Jesus and that I would be still…
This doesn’t need to be a long reflection because I know what God is speaking to my heart and He can speak it simply to me.
Today I fast the NOISE and the war of my heart so that I can hear the voice of God in the sound of silence.